“There are still many people who suffer in silence,” said Toby Flake, a lifelong Medford resident.
Flake, a gay man, still sees room for growth and tolerance in Medford. That’s why he created a Facebook group, to give township-area LGBTQ+ residents and allies a place to learn together during the pandemic.
“I grew up where you feared for your life being gay,” Flake, a 1992 Shawnee High School graduate, recalled. “The younger generations don’t understand that the barriers we broke down is what makes them be able to express themselves today. It was mental torture for me growing up and for many like me.”
Flake’s group, Medford and Surrounding Areas Gay Straight Allies, was created in mid-October and already has more than 200 members who discuss often-controversial topics like being gay in the military and how LGBTQ+ people are perceived by religions.
“People think being gay is about riding unicorns and painting rainbows and sprinkling glitter,” Flake said. “They don’t see the dark side of being in the gay community. Substance abuse is rampant. So is violence and suicide.”
Lesbian, gay and bisexual youth are twice as likely to attempt suicide, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Protection, and they have a higher probability of substance abuse, according to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health.
Flake remembers when he worked as a security guard in the gayborhood area of Philadelphia.
“There I witnessed a lot of the LGBT community alleviate their pain with drugs, which led to violence and/or self harm,” he noted. “A prominent drag queen who came into the club all the time was murdered in the back alley for being who she was. I got to see the real life of being gay, once again, and that took a toll on me.”
But groups like Flake’s can help alleviate the strain on mental health faced by many LGBTQ+ people, according to research from the national Trevor Project. The organization’s 2020 survey showed LGBTQ+ youth with access to a safe and affirming space were significantly less likely to attempt suicide.
“Having an open dialogue can help raise awareness and increase the public’s understanding of LGBTQ issues,” explained Rob Todaro, communications manager for The Trevor Project. “Too often, we see fear and misinformation circulated around LGBTQ issues.”
COVID-19 has also taken a toll on the LGBTQ+ community, as social distancing requirements impact the ability to express identity and participate in LGBTQ+- affirming spaces. LGBTQ+ people have reached out to The Trevor Project’s crisis services at nearly double the usual rate since March.
“It is clear that the widespread anxiety, physical distancing, and economic strain caused by COVID-19 have the potential to exacerbate existing mental health challenges and create new, unique problems for many LGBTQ young people,” Todaro said. “Many LGBTQ youth lost access to their usual support systems and some are now isolated in unaccepting home environments.”
Jeffrey Cesari and his partner, Rob Hanning, recently moved to Medford from Philadelphia, where they were involved in LGBTQ+ activism. They both joined the Facebook group to meet people and continue their fight for equality.
“We’re in a pandemic and we need to build resources here,” Cesari emphasized. “The group has helped us figure out who our go-to people are.”
“I think as more people have visibility into the amazing charm of Medford, and the welcomingness of the LGBTQ community, it’s just going to be more and more welcoming,” he added. “We’ve only been here a few months, but I’m really excited about where it’s going.”
Flake, who has multiple sclerosis, is no stranger to restrictions on daily life.
“With my disability, I cannot go places as easy as before. The internet definitely makes it easier to reach out,” he said. “If somebody comes in (to the group) down, depressed and looking for answers we can all jump in — gay or straight — and help.”
